Birth of the two and a half Warriors: The Foggy Trials

April 30, 2017 by Patrick Starks

Copyright: NejroN / 123RF Stock Photo

“We can’t stop here, we must keep moving forward. Everyone is counting on us. If we don’t move now, all will be lost. Bjorn come here!”

“Are you talking to me? And if so, why do you speak to me in such parent like tone? Do you believe me to be a child or something? Do you not see a man in the presents?

“No… No, I certainly do not—although, you look exactly like you should have a bib around your neck, with cookie in hand. Now get over here you fool!”

“What! How… How dare you! Say’s the man who carries around that silly little doll everywhere he goes. May I ask, when you go back to your wife everyday—who is exactly wears the skirt in the bedroom?”

“Bastard! That doll was from my daughter—to bring luck on our battle, luck that you will probably need the most.”

“Well… the only thing that doll is bringing us is embarrassment—the gods probably are teary eyed from all the laughter we have brought them thus far.”

“Enough you two! We need to focus; the people of the village are counting on us. Do not forget about the quest at hand.”

“Oh, and here we are— the little one finally speaks. May I ask what you possibly suggest Inge?”

“Little… Don’t get cocky Bjorn. I’m only a couple of inches shorter than you, besides—I am known to be the stronger warrior of the group—everyone knows that, so your object of ridicule impacts me none. But if you may ask, if we move now and quit bickering, we might just gain a victory on this day. Maybe, just maybe, you Bjorn will finally be looked upon as a true warrior.”

“Victorious! Are you serious? We’re more likely to humiliate ourselves out there. And me looked upon as a true warrior. I need know one’s validation, I have proven myself to the gods plenty—their faith and reward to me, only speak the truth. Besides, it’s obvious to me that you have no plan.”

“Oh, shut up already! You know what, you’ve done nothing, but bring negativity to this team Bjorn. When this is, all said, and done, I will have words with you.”

“No, no, we wouldn’t want to start something we couldn’t finish now Geir. I mean—from our recent battle’s I’ve always handled myself quite well, the least I could say for you two screw ups.”

“Oh, come on! Your delusional. Inge are your hearing this mad, yet sad, man?”

“Okay I said enough you two, we need to seriously think of a strategy and something quick or else we will surely lose—the fog is beginning to rise.”

“Well if anyone cared to listen, I had a plan the whole time. If everyone would just shut up already!”

“Okay, well… Geir spit it out already. What’s the plan?”

“Bjorn, I need you to do that thing you always do to Inge.”

With annoyance in his heart Inge replied immediately. “What! Not! No way.” A sinister smirk then revealed itself upon Bjorns face. “It would be my pleasure!”

Bjorn then picked up Inge and threw him down a hill filled with nothing, but rock and mud.

“Ok now’s my chance. Hey Bjorn, mind if I borrow you for a moment…”

“Of course, wait… wait… for what exactly?”

“I can’t tell you all the way over there—wouldn’t want anyone snooping around to hear out plan.”

“Well when you put it that way. Wait… What are you doing? Bjorn… Bjorn stop… Bjorn!”

The three warriors then rolled down a hill that felt almost like the slope of a volcano. The village watched in hopes of a victory—however, lacked confidence in the tactics they were demonstrating at that moment.

“Look there they are— the two and half warriors.” The woman said.

“Look at the short one so adorable, I could cuddle with him for days.” Said another.

“Why the hell are they rolling down the hill, such foolish tactics—there going to them themselves killed before the trials even begin. “

“Well… looks like their opponents are having a good laugh down there. This is so humiliating—the village will be the laughing stock of the country.”

As the people of the village watched in humiliation, the opponents of the two and a half warriors were having quite the laugh.

“My… my stomach. I can’t take it anymore, such fools. Do they really think they will be able to attack us by coming down a hill—so odd, yet predictable.”

“I agree, this was certainly not the way I imagined my glorious victory. I nearly shit myself for how hard I was laughing—definitely will have to explain that to the lady when I get back.”

“Disgusting… You’re such a disgusting little brute.”

“Wait! Look you idiots! There coming in to fast—fool’s brace yourselves.”

“Geir, Inge, now! —do it now!”

“Do what! I’m doing my very best just to keep straight.”

“Idiots! Just jump! Jump now!”

The three then jumped at high speeds becoming invisible to their opponent’s eye. Lost within the fog, their opponents grew paranoid.  

“What? Where did they go! The fog has gotten to thick, I can’t see a dam thing.”

“You fool’s behind you!”

At that moment, everything became dark—the fog began to pick up more than it had ever done and the people who watched the battle feared for the victory of their two and a half warriors.

“Where did they go? I can’t see a thing out here.” An old man said.

“There… There they… Wait…” A child spoke, but then froze as chills went up his spine, he witnessed something no child at his age should’ve.

“What happened to him he looks so… so, repulsive. Child cover your eye’s! You do not need to see this.”

A man then appeared from the fog as he struggled his way to the crowd. He had now one arm with burn marks on his face. He smelt of manure and carried one little doll in hand—he then collapsed with final words.

“It… It was horrible… I… I’ve never seen anything like it. It was so demonic… It had teeth of nothing from this world, it’s nose was so disturbingly long. The smell…this monster… it…”

Before the man could finish, his spirt faded.

“What the hell was that, just what the hell happened to them?

“We’re all doomed! The gods have started there reckoning!” Screamed the woman.

“No! We cannot run anymore we must stand and fight. Who is with me? Any volunteers?” Said an unknown warrior.”

“Aye. I’ll join you, I trained those boys—only makes since that it be their teacher who brings them back. I should have trained them harder.”

“But their dead! Their all dead!” Said a man from far.

“No… No, they are not. The man that had that doll just before us was not the owner it. That was from the daughter of Geir. He would never leave it behind— he would have been the one bringing it back, not this… this unknown man.”

“Don’t beat yourself up old friend, we will find your students.”

“Then it is settled, let us move!”

“Well, well, looks like the old team is back together, I too will be attending this party.”

“Thank you, Odin.”

“No need to thank, let us carry on.”

“As for everyone else, go home! There is nothing more to see here. Keep yourselves safe and stay inside, we will settle this matter soon enough.”

“Yes! from the fog we shall return!”


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