My Heart, My Kryptonite

August 16, 2017 by Patrick Starks

57203768 - a red heart shaped tree at sunset.

Growing up I’ve always wanted to be a hero, or some sort of superhero, but I always lacked the special abilities to do so. Batman was of course the closest I could relate to. I was never wealthy man—not like him, but always felt he was like everyone else—normal. He never had any super powers, but he had heart, that’s what my brother always thought. But as much as I felt I could relate to Batman, my favorite was Superman.

The way he would change from being a writer to a hero all in just one telephone booth, was something magical, something remarkable. I wanted to do the same, if not be the same—although, there weren’t many phone booths in Seattle, definitely not now. From the time where I developed these characteristics, I had just graduated from high school—that was during the time I met Alexis—my Louis, and I her Clark.

She was perfect, at least in my eyes she was. We’d talk on the phone for hours about how much we loved each other, how much we missed each other. We would do everything together, and when we made love—it was like the fourth of July.

Alexis became everything to me during that time, but it all changed when I, when she, met the so called “Hyena,” Andrew. Andrew was always a thorn in my ass, as was he for the other boys. The talk around town was that he possessed the powers to manipulate minds, control them, and that if you weren’t careful, he’d control the very key to a man’s heart—his woman. I thought to myself, could this be my Lex Luthor, could this be the villain in my life’s story, and through time, so it became.

Before we’d all graduate, or at least I’d graduate, everything was calm. No one really bothered me for that they felt I was some kind of psycho kid sitting in the corner with his journal, plotting to take out anyone that went around bullying others. But that wasn’t me—although, I only had one on my list, and I’m sure you know who that was. But relax, I wouldn’t do what you’re thinking, maybe chop his fucking balls off so he could never breed again, but relax that’s not all that bad, he’d still be breathing, I think. But seriously I’m not crazy… I think, but moving on.

Alexis and I usually kept our relationship private. From the celebrities we seen divorcing and breaking up dailyؙ—we figured it was best not to have your business in the lime-life. And no one really thought anything of it, just thought we were best friends—honorably, I was one nerd that wouldn’t be in the friend zone that year, thanks to aka Louis. But somehow out of everyone, the hyena, Luthor—Andrew, knew. He knew if he could just take her from me, better yet hurt her in anyway, he could destroy my soul, and so he did. He loved challenges and she, she would be his greatest—she loved me way too much, I thought.

I still remember the day clearly, I was at work, and it had been a long day. There was about two hours remaining before I would finally get the hell off work, and before I was to leave, I got a call from the police. I was at a loss for words, surely she had to be at home, that’s what she at least told me before I went off to make some moolah. Her mother would of course accuse me of her disappearance. Alexis and I would always sneak off together, most of the time just staying at my place. She lived a life harder than mine, but she didn’t have to I thought, I would be her Superman—although, her mother was always the most protective of her, and out of respect, I knew it was only because she didn’t want her to make the same mistakes she’d made.

After I had left work stressed like an overworked retail clerk, that of course what I was, I got another call—it was Alexis.  “Hey baby…” she said with guilt and fear in her voice. My heart slowly began  to inflate like a balloon, I told myself not her, but sadly the culprit would be revealed.  “So… I was at Andr-.“ And before she could even finish her sentence, I hung up. She called for hours, but all I could do is just remain still, frozen, weak.  After a dozen calls that night, I finally picked up. I could feel the tears oozing through the phone, and more so—it was probably my sweat, from the fear of hearing what was about to be told.

She then spoke, and it was confirmed. “I’m sorry baby! I love you!” she yelled, and I said nothing, not until she spilled all, until she told me everything. Her lips moved again, and all I could do was just hang up again. I cried, all by myself, with no one to console me—what once was my heart, had now became my Kryptonite.

It was a long night for me, I couldn’t get what she told me out of my head. Just the thought of another man being inside my Louis, my queen—I felt like the world was not enough for me to stay present, but the voice in my head told me otherwise. I couldn’t write, I couldn’t eat nor sleep, just stayed in my bed. But I needed to vent, to let out my frustration, and so I began to write once moreؙ—and so I wrote all bad things that I could of the so called Hyena.

A week went by and my journal was nearly filled, I got a call from the police, they told me that a boy name Andrew Lovington was found dead. I thought to myself how ironic that his last name would be fucking Lovington.  But I had a heart, what was left of it anyways. As much as I hated the bastard, I felt sorry for him—nobody deserves to die, but everyone does deserve a chance at redemption—that would be of course dependent on the crime, and as bad as I felt his crime was, I’d probably lose in court with such an appeal.

In that moment I was scared, sorry, and pissed, I didn’t want him to leave this world without me giving him a piece of my mind, without him knowing what beauty he destroyed.  And so I told the policeman that I didn’t know, and wasn’t at all that close to him.

The Police man then told me that there was a girl by the name of Alexis Brown, and that she was announced missing. That she last had contact with Andrew and I a week before. I became emotional to the point I could barely breathe. I told the police officer I didn’t know where she was, and told him I haven’t spoke to her since then. “Hmmm… Since then… What do you mean exactly by ‘since then’?” he asked. From the tone in his voice, I could see he felt I had something to do with it, oddly I felt I did as well.

I didn’t answer his question, for that I felt it was just a trap. Instead, I asked him what day did she exactly had gone missing, and without hesitation he told me, adding more detail to the answer. “It was on Tuesday, and the mother said everything was gone, nothing was in her room. No bed, no clothes, no nothing,” he said. I pleaded with him, surely there had to be at least one picture of she and I, but the police gave no indication that he’d seen such. We eventually finished our talk, and he told me that he would be back in touch with me sooner than I thought. But I didn’t care, the only evidence he would probably find was Alexis’s lipstick around the fucking Hyena’s cock. I wanted to tell him that, but didn’t want to show anger, that was just what he would want.

After the call I freaked out, I didn’t tell the police officer—I didn’t tell him what I knew. Everything that he told me of Alexis, of Andrew, aligned exactly with what was written in my journal. It was as if everything I’d written had some-how miraculously came true. For the state of mind I was in, I was way too weak to try and solve some Indian Jones type of riddle, and so I slept on it.

“Hey baby,” she said next to me. “What the fuck Alexis! The cops are looking for you everywhere, how the hell did you get in my room?” I yelled. But she didn’t listen nor seem to care, she just wrapped herself around me trying to seduce me with her sweet kisses. “You don’t have to worry anymore baby, you don’t have to worry about Andrew,” she said. I jumped back and clung myself to the wall, thinking what the hell did she do, what did she get herself into.

“Come here baby,” she said as she kissed my neck softly. She knew that was my spot, and for that, temptations began to set in. I grabbed her waist as my hands slid down her curvaceous body—I thought I was in the fourth of July once again—but this… this was different. I felt weak again, just as I’d felt since the beginning of all the madness. I would not only be manipulated by Andrew, but now manipulated by my love, yet now my kryptonite.

Angered by the humiliation, I told her she needed to leave, but it seemed she wasn’t going anywhere. I just couldn’t grasp how this was all happening, this wasn’t how I wrote it, and even if it was the way I wanted it to—I would now realize I was wrong for writing such. I felt the only way I could gain my strength back, to find closure, was to erase the kryptonite, erase Alexis.

“Wait! Stop! Don’t baby… I’m sorry, just… just come over here,” she said. But I knew, or at least felt it was more mind games. I’d had enough, and so I began to write in my journal. And as I wrote, she wrapped her arms around me tightly, one last time as she faded.

“Thank you baby, I’m… I’m sorry… I will al… wa… …ys—” she said. I cried, but knew it was for the best. I’d forgiven all the things that made me weak that night, all things that were my kryptonite—I’d forgiven her. As I finished writing, everything came back to normal the next day—what happened a week ago would remain relevant, and I would move on to a life more deserving, hopefully someone more deserving.

But from all the pain, I’d gain my superpower—I became my heart, and as well my kryptonite. From that day I would change the world with my words, from that day I wouldn’t be known as Hitler, but more so the “Riddler.”

Confused yet, I bet, this was a lot to muster, for that your head is now feeling clustered. Is it because I wrote it, you tell me, only words, or your eyes will see.


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